My Life to Music, A Mini-Series: #4 Lola by The Kinks

I love this song.
And I love The Kinks.
And I love my son, Liam.

But if he happened to be born a girl, I’d be saying, ‘and I love my daughter… Lola.’

This is my life… to music.

Lola by The Kinks

Choosing the name in which you’ll refer to your child for the rest of their lives is a daunting task. You have a responsibility to pick a name that will not scar them for life.

  • Make sure it can’t be turned into some sort of dick joke. I once ran across the name Sandy Banana… fo’ real.
  • Test out the name and assure the initials don’t spell out something horrible, like STD.
  • Convince yourself the shortened version of the name won’t set them up for a life of working the pole.
  • If there is a trending celebrity on the verge of a mental breakdown, stay away from their name!
  • And as much as you love Beyonce, there’s only one, sorry.

The stress of it all!

And I probably made matters worse by tying music in where ever I could when my husband and I constructed our list of names for our first born.

We had a list of names for boys and girls, trying to narrow it down to a top 2 for each list. It’s astounding, the reasons to X a name.


Me: How about Forrest. I love that name. 
Husband: Sure, if we want everyone to yell at him, 'Run, Forrest! Ruuuun!'
Me: Umm… I don't think they'll have any idea that movie ever existed.
Husband: NO.
Husband: I like Jackson.
Me: Oh yeah, when did you join the cool club? Everyone and their mom is named Jackson right now.
Husband: Well, then we know it's a good name.
Me: Nope.
Me: Oliver is so cute. We can call him Olly.
Husband: …. (evil glare)
Me: What?!? I like it, he'll be smart! (Obviously, the name has everything to do with intelligence.)
Husband: (slowly strikes through name with such force, the marker appears to be bleeding)


Me: What about Emma?
Husband: Pole.
Me: Rachel?
Husband: Pole.
Me: Sarah?
Husband: POLE!
Me: Okay, you're being insane, my name is Sarah! If we have a daughter, she isn't doomed to work the pole.
Husband: (starts breathing into a paper bag)
Husband: What about Lydia?
Me: I love Lydia! That's a great name. So fan-cy. One problem. I can't say Lydia. I stutter way too much. Ly… Ly… Lydia. (The crazy things that dictate your life choices.)
Me: I like the name Lola.
Husband: Really? I never thought you would say that name. Why do you like it?
Me: Because I love the song, Lola, by The Kinks. It's awesome. (Sarah drifts into her own world, forgetting what she's fighting for - her child's first name.) It's about this man who meets this woman, Lola, and she's a real tough broad, all sexed up. She teaches him how to be a man, and isn't ashamed of it. And she's just the shit. Like, doesn't give a shit about anything, she just does her. Probably swears like a sailer. The song says she walks like a woman and talks like a man. I can respect that! Paving the way for women in the corporate world. And like, one line said she squeezed him tight she nearly broke his spine. So she's strong! We want a strong daughter, don't we?!? The song also said she had a dark brown voice… I actually think… she might… have been a man. Ummm… well, it's still an awesome name, and I love the song, so we should consider it.
Husband: Do I really need to respond?
Me: Okay, remove it from the list….

We ultimately ended up having a boy, and named him Liam. While I have to tongue-skip my way through that name, it’s a good one. But, you can’t avoid the curse of what will become of a name. The teachers at his daycare nicknamed him Li-Li.

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